Cold and Shame

Or perhaps, more shameless...

This morning I was thrilled to wake up to more snow, so of course I immediately had to pack up the kids and get us out in it. I amazed myself by actually remembering to grab a camera on the way out the door.

It's one of those lovely quiet mornings where you can almost here the snowflakes falling to the ground. Well, you could if it weren't for the mouth breathers ruining it all with their panting.

Just kidding, they don't ruin it, if anything their antics bring more joy to the morning. Shiela seems to be experiencing flashbacks of her life back home in Alaska and is enjoying the snow immensely. She's been running through whatever drifts she can find the last couple days.

She's as happy as can be deaf as a doornail but seems to be oblivious to the cold. It's a cold I haven't felt in a long time. Here we have gotten used to the biting chill dry cold of the wind as it blows down out of the rockies or from the frigid plains of Canada, but this morning's wet damp get into your bones cold reminded me of coastal home. That cold that makes 35 feel like 5 because it seeps into every crack and won't be easily dispelled as long as you're still damp from your outdoor adventures.

As you can see, the cold didn't stop any of us from enjoying the morning walk.

What's a little cold when you have a good stick and a morning walk on the river (Yes, Sullivan still wasn't satisfied until he played in the river for a few minutes since it's wide open with barely any ice on the edges.), and once you have a stick, someone else wants it too!

And then there's always the great friends you get to play chase and romp with at the river.

Last night at the yarn shop I was discussing an event that happened at work. I had been asked by another coworker what the most embarrassing thing that has happened to me was. If you know me at all, you would know that I would have a hard time narrowing this down to the "most embarrassing" moment, but that I have few compunctions against sharing any of these moments with anyone. After I told him of one such misadventure which involved a sudden urge to evacuate ones bowels, a startling lack of privacy much less toileting facilities and ended up with me in the bushes squatting into a dog poop clean up bag (I was trying to be considerate), I was informed that he would never ask me such a question again. And of course I found this funny and shared not only the outcome of the discussion with other coworkers but the story that provoked his response.

Now, you would think that most coworkers would be horrified to learn of such a thing from me, but I have always found this to be the opposite. I have found that once you open up and tell something like this, others are always more than happy to tell you of their own misadventures. Then there are always the few who are disgusted and clam up and walk away disgusted with you. I have always found there are more of the type that are entertained and will listen but not share their own, and I'm always happy to entertain. But this all reminded me of an ex-boyfriend who was always horrified at my seemingly lack of personal shame.

This ex was always horrified of the things I would tell others. He hit me in the arm often to tell me that "people don't say things like that" wherein I would always point out that in fact they do since I was a person and I just did. I never said this was a mature adult and healthy relationship mind you, that is why we're ex's. He was especially horrified when we came back from Costa Rica and within weeks I was very ill. Upon going to the doc I had been diagnosed with 5 fairly ugly gastrointestinal bacteria and worms. Now, the worms did not come from Costa Rica. I saw them as the end product of working with large animals for years. As they say, shit happens; and upon further research I found that human worm parasitism is much more prevalent even in the United States than most want to think. It at that time was estimated that even in developed countries the infection rate at some point in our lives is 75% of the population and in undeveloped countries more likely to be closer to the 100% mark. At this point, I quit being ashamed by it and often cracked jokes about needing dewormed. The poor ex boyfriend was horrified that I would joke openly about this but I refused to be embarrassed and if anything just made sure that my already strict hand hygiene regimen (I worked in critical care as well) was upped to epic proportions to try to assure that I did not accidentally infect anyone else.

Now, to be fair, I've always been the sort that is somewhat shameless, and have a dark sense of humor that can find the lighter laughable side to most morbid stories. It's the irish in me, I swear. But I was actually horrified a couple times when this ex-boyfriend ran his mouth about something in our relationship that we needed to address together to a couple of his close friends. Not only was I embarrassed that before we could smooth over an issue he was blabbing about it, I was pissed. I felt that he betrayed the trust we should have had between us. You see, I am always more than eager to share something that is personally embarrassing to just me, but when it involves someone else, a part of my brain always kicks in to stop me, not only due to worry of embarrassing the other party that was involved but the wrongness of sharing a story that isn't truly mine. Of course if they open up and tell the story I feel perfectly free to open my mouth and share form that point on (Betsy, can we say Orange and Icy Hot?). But until that happens, or I know the person well enough to know that they won't be upset by such a story or have resolved their feelings about a situation, I am not comfortable sharing, so I guess in the end I am not truly shameless, for even I have stories and events from my life that I cannot share openly and I feel that is completely normal. Looking back in my head at the things that I do not freely discuss, I don't find much humor in those events and that may be the difference for me. If I find something laughable, even if it's horrifying at the same time, I can and seems, will share it for others to laugh at. However, if it is either not funny, or I simply haven't been able to even find some sort of black humor to it, I don't share it.

Which all brings me back to the ex-boyfriend I've been speaking of. I took him to see the comedian Margaret Cho once. She closed out her show with a story of crapping herself in the car while stuck on a freeway in L.A. It was hysterical as she not only tells the story but mimes the actions and as the story came to a close she stated "So as I sat there in a puddle of cooling poop, the only thing left was to tell someone so I called my friend as said 'Guuurrrrrll, you won't believe what just happened'." My un-laughing ex turns to me and says, "That is so you." I always knew I lived Margaret Cho for a reason.

SO, I'm going to leave you all with that, and a Thank You to all who helped with the "surprise B-Day" event last night at knit night. I'm truly blessed with you all as friends. Oh, and here's a picture of Shiela making faces at you.

She can be such a snarky but lovable bitch. Have a great day everyone, and stay safe and warm.