Too Big...

I have been sent a couple messages and asked about why I haven't commented on the events that have been unfolding in Boston over the last few days. This morning as I keep hearing more and more about the situation over there and it's ever increasing complexity I have decided to go ahead and try to explain my thoughts on this and why I have not been making much comment regarding it.

The first reason is the ambiguity over the events as they occur. I was at work when the first explosions ripped through the crowds. By the time I had left I had heard of the second explosion and then the "library explosion". By the time I went back to work for the evening I had heard that the library had not in fact been a bomb. This change in the fact illustrates perfectly why I don't think me rushing to blog about it is going to help the true facts to be distributed the public since they weren't known nor passed to me at that time.  This morning's constantly changing story lines and information again confirms that I don't know what is really occurring on the ground in Boston and until then I don't need to spout off about it. And yes, I use the term spout off because that's exactly what blogging is. I am not a reporter, I am not a social editorialist. I am a private citizen with a blog that I use to communicate personal news, local events, and my opinions so in that light I am spouting off.

Secondly, and to be quite frank, I am somewhat wordless regarding events like these. I don't have the ability to often communicate the way I feel when something like this occurs, because I am often feeling so much that I don't know from one second to the next how I truly am feeling. I am someone that even in day to day life often feels the need to take a minute here and there to decide how I feel about something or someone otherwise I fear being to compulsive and just reacting rather than deciding on the better road to take. Day to day this is fine other than I tend to be a bit solitary frequently, but in big news headlines and events, this can stop me dead in my tracks, and this is how I feel regarding these events. I at once am disgusted by the attack on any people no matter who does the attacking and who's the attacked or how the attack comes. An act of terror is despicable to me in my core and I simply cannot wrap my head around how anyone can think that it's morally acceptable for themselves to take the lives of others in an act of hatred.

Quickly behind my disgust follows sympathy, prayer, and hope for the survivors and their family and loved ones. And mixed all throughout these emotions is the deep and dark outrage for the innocent and the fear that this could have been myself or those I love. And all together that equals something that is too big for me to express. At this point I choose to show the one emotion I think is the safest and most appropriate and that is the sympathy for those affected either directly or indirectly. So, before anyone assumes that I am unaware of the situation, or that I'm to self centered to make note of it, please take into account that I am aware, I am sensitive to it, but I know not how to approach it without letting my outrage lead the way and causing more harm than any good that may come of it. Through times like these the calmer people with level heads should prevail to act, not those like me for in these situations moral indignation and fear only breed more hatred and do not foster love, acceptance, and the sense of community that should come in these dark times.

With that said, on one of my many dog walks that I use as a calming agent for a fairly tumultuous personality I got some pictures of the latest snow storm.

It started with the morning reminding me to go get a camera as I cleaned off the car.

And continued with a good bout of playing in the snow.

And Shiela may be seventeen but my four pawed all terrain pup still likes to get her cold snow romps in.

And let's not forget Emmitt the Squirrel Hunter.

On the hunt.

Target Acquired! As you can see, Sullivan is sometimes confused as to what the target is... He think's Emmitt is here and is more interested in getting him to play a good game of wrestle tag than chasing a squirrel which hey, if it keeps them from actually catching a squirrel, have at it boys.

I often use dog walks to hammer out plans or thoughts on upcoming events, ideas I've had or just a calm down period from things that have irked me. It works for us, and the kids appreciate it. The morning of this walk as I walked into the wind worrying over something I glanced across the river and something in the back of my head said, "hey, that doesn't fit in" and forced a closer inspection.

Can you see it?

A little closer. Sorry, I only had the little point and shoot Canon ELPH with me due to cold fingers.

Here I fiddled with the pics a bit on the computer to get a couple better images.

That's right, a Great Blue Heron. I think the camera did a decent job since I was on the far shore. I was unable to blow up the image anymore with out pixelation. I'm just gal I had a camera with me this time. A few weeks ago I think I found some very large mountain lion tracks (they dwarfed Sullivan's paws and were rounder and showed no claw marks) and of course, I didn't even have the phone on me to snap a picture.

This guy caught my eye because his outline was to smooth a shape. His color and size actually blended well with the far shores occasional rocks and what not. It's migration time for a lot of birds. I was surprised to see a turkey vulture flying in the snow the other day and when leaving the restaurant a few days ago there were what were either swans, pelicans, or storks flying. They were big and white with black wing tips but to high for me to see much else. If I had to guess they were swans passing through or one of our batches of pelicans a bit early for the season. I know, I'm still amazed that someplace as land locked as Wyoming has pelicans and cormorants on the river.

We also have the ever present geese, just like back home. There may not be as many, but I swear they are just as loud.

Hope you all have a wonderful weekend.

Snow and Citations

It's snowing! Two good snows in as many weeks and I am loving it. I am just in from shoveling the walk and drive again and wondering if I should spin or knit while Bob takes the kids out. I was going to just relax again for a bit before heading to work but was just given the night off which I jumped at.

And now I'm feeling guilty because I shouldn't have jumped at it. You see, I got myself a ticket this morning on the way to work. And I say it that "I got myself" because it was exactly that. I have been pulled over and cited for driving issues rarely, because I strive to be an alert and conscientious driver. However, the few times I have been pulled over, I have fully deserved my tickets. The last time was a few years ago and yes, there were extenuating circumstances on the freeway but in the end, I did speed so I got myself that one. Today, I who know better than to let myself blink out of reality and not pay attention in blizzard conditions did exactly that and ran a light. Luckily I was nowhere close to causing and accident when it happened, but I did it right in front of a sheriff deputy. I just pulled over into a parking lot and waited for him to turn the corner. I knew I screwed up and was just happy I hadn't hurt anybody or damaged someones property.

Now, I tell you all the details because I don't want it said that I hate cops. I don't. I think they have one of the hardest jobs out there and rarely get to see people at their best. That was one of the reasons I finished up my EMT cert years ago, did my six months internship and realized pre-hospital care was not for me. You always saw people at their worst. Physically and mentally they were damaged, wore down, and just plain ill. So, with that said I try to give cops respect because I understand they are often dealing with too much shit and just trying to keep the rest of us safe. On that note however, I have been known to chew ass with righteous indignation when I have been pulled over for stupid crap and have gotten out of those tickets probably just out of shear pig headedness. Today though, I just accepted the consequences of being an idiot behind the wheel of my car. I think it paid off though.

First, the cop seemed shocked that I was just waiting with my license, registration and insurance card. I think he thought I was going to get out of the car and go into the business I had parked in front of. I assured him that I did know why he had pulled behind me and that I had no excuse, I had just failed to pay attention. He ended up giving me a minimal "to fast for conditions" citation and a hand shake rather than the couple hundred dollar moving violation he could have.

Now, want to know the odd reason I phased out while driving? This has happened to me before and today just assures me that I am right. I didn't have the radio on. Yes, that's what I said. I left the radio off so I could hear sirens, and wheel slippage in the snowy slushy mess that the roads were. Several times before I have noticed after close calls that I haven't had the radio on when I have gotten so caught up in the events going on in my head that I have stopped paying attention to my surroundings. The irony is that I tried not having it on to stay more attuned to my surroundings. I don't know why but having music or news or just other peoples voices keeps me from falling into the abyss that my own head can be at times.

Anyway, before we get into that weirdness that up there can be, I'm going to go enjoy watching the swirling snow build drifts until it is time to go shovel them up again. Have a good night.

The Party

Thank you to all that attended last Friday nights party. It has been years since I've really tried to do anything for my own birthday due to it always being a bit of a goat rope. the last time I really tried to plan much, I ended being broke up and moved out by memorial day and I think the tension and stupidity that happened on the birthday had a lot to do with me just being done with the whole relationship and not even putting in the effort to fix it all. The year after that I decided on the day of my birthday to run up into the Chugach for a snowshoe/walk with the dogs and a last minute phone call had me bringing along the partner of a friend of mine who was alone while my friend was overseas with the Army. He proceeded to try to "come home with me" after he made the entire walk a fiasco. Can you say awkward? Not only at the time but later as I tried to decide what to do/say to  my friend about the situation. So thanks to everyone who made it fun and relaxed as a gathering of friends should be.

For my cake (thanks Andrea and Jim) I had a little graphic placed on it that was sent to me on Easter. I was busy cooking when a text from a friend came through that said, "I saw this and thought of you."

Now, this would be an insult in most crowds, but if you know me, and you know this particular friend, it's frigg'n hysterical. I replied with a saucy comment where she then said, "I meant it as a compliment!" I stated that I knew that and was showing it to everyone and since the week after we planned to go out for my birthday I thought it would be the perfect topping for my cake. Vera did a wonderful job and I should have taken picture of the cake but alas, I didn't. I thought I had a picture of my slice that had my favorite c-word on it but it didn't seem to save on my camera. No idea why.

For those of you who are horrified by the C-word, I want you to know that it's not it's use as a derogatory slang for genitalia that I love it for, though the shock value that it brings because most people is nice, it's the harshness of the word. It's all that hard C and T sounds surrounding the smooth un that I love. It works so nicely when you need a harsh word. just like the F bomb ending in the hard K and one of my other favorite C-Words, "cock". Sometimes you just need to say something that goes along with the harsh things in your head, and this word does it so nicely though I rarely use it because people tend to look at you as a male chauvinist bastard when you use it. So instead I tend to use a mixture of one of my other favorites, "Twat" and say "Twunt". But sometimes...

So, with all that said, I just want to know anyone who is on the East Coast that may read my blog and Boston in particular, your in my thoughts and prayers tonight (yes this heathen does pray). May you be home and safe and surrounded by the warmth of your loved ones.

Now, after that little bit since I'm sure we're all getting a little overwhelmed by the news storming in, we need some Great Dane cuteness, No?

After our walk tonight I glanced up to see Sullivan with his head sitting on his crossed paws. If you look real close you can see his bone he's hiding under his massive block head.

Yep, that's our dork.

Cold and Shame

Or perhaps, more shameless...

This morning I was thrilled to wake up to more snow, so of course I immediately had to pack up the kids and get us out in it. I amazed myself by actually remembering to grab a camera on the way out the door.

It's one of those lovely quiet mornings where you can almost here the snowflakes falling to the ground. Well, you could if it weren't for the mouth breathers ruining it all with their panting.

Just kidding, they don't ruin it, if anything their antics bring more joy to the morning. Shiela seems to be experiencing flashbacks of her life back home in Alaska and is enjoying the snow immensely. She's been running through whatever drifts she can find the last couple days.

She's as happy as can be deaf as a doornail but seems to be oblivious to the cold. It's a cold I haven't felt in a long time. Here we have gotten used to the biting chill dry cold of the wind as it blows down out of the rockies or from the frigid plains of Canada, but this morning's wet damp get into your bones cold reminded me of coastal home. That cold that makes 35 feel like 5 because it seeps into every crack and won't be easily dispelled as long as you're still damp from your outdoor adventures.

As you can see, the cold didn't stop any of us from enjoying the morning walk.

What's a little cold when you have a good stick and a morning walk on the river (Yes, Sullivan still wasn't satisfied until he played in the river for a few minutes since it's wide open with barely any ice on the edges.), and once you have a stick, someone else wants it too!

And then there's always the great friends you get to play chase and romp with at the river.

Last night at the yarn shop I was discussing an event that happened at work. I had been asked by another coworker what the most embarrassing thing that has happened to me was. If you know me at all, you would know that I would have a hard time narrowing this down to the "most embarrassing" moment, but that I have few compunctions against sharing any of these moments with anyone. After I told him of one such misadventure which involved a sudden urge to evacuate ones bowels, a startling lack of privacy much less toileting facilities and ended up with me in the bushes squatting into a dog poop clean up bag (I was trying to be considerate), I was informed that he would never ask me such a question again. And of course I found this funny and shared not only the outcome of the discussion with other coworkers but the story that provoked his response.

Now, you would think that most coworkers would be horrified to learn of such a thing from me, but I have always found this to be the opposite. I have found that once you open up and tell something like this, others are always more than happy to tell you of their own misadventures. Then there are always the few who are disgusted and clam up and walk away disgusted with you. I have always found there are more of the type that are entertained and will listen but not share their own, and I'm always happy to entertain. But this all reminded me of an ex-boyfriend who was always horrified at my seemingly lack of personal shame.

This ex was always horrified of the things I would tell others. He hit me in the arm often to tell me that "people don't say things like that" wherein I would always point out that in fact they do since I was a person and I just did. I never said this was a mature adult and healthy relationship mind you, that is why we're ex's. He was especially horrified when we came back from Costa Rica and within weeks I was very ill. Upon going to the doc I had been diagnosed with 5 fairly ugly gastrointestinal bacteria and worms. Now, the worms did not come from Costa Rica. I saw them as the end product of working with large animals for years. As they say, shit happens; and upon further research I found that human worm parasitism is much more prevalent even in the United States than most want to think. It at that time was estimated that even in developed countries the infection rate at some point in our lives is 75% of the population and in undeveloped countries more likely to be closer to the 100% mark. At this point, I quit being ashamed by it and often cracked jokes about needing dewormed. The poor ex boyfriend was horrified that I would joke openly about this but I refused to be embarrassed and if anything just made sure that my already strict hand hygiene regimen (I worked in critical care as well) was upped to epic proportions to try to assure that I did not accidentally infect anyone else.

Now, to be fair, I've always been the sort that is somewhat shameless, and have a dark sense of humor that can find the lighter laughable side to most morbid stories. It's the irish in me, I swear. But I was actually horrified a couple times when this ex-boyfriend ran his mouth about something in our relationship that we needed to address together to a couple of his close friends. Not only was I embarrassed that before we could smooth over an issue he was blabbing about it, I was pissed. I felt that he betrayed the trust we should have had between us. You see, I am always more than eager to share something that is personally embarrassing to just me, but when it involves someone else, a part of my brain always kicks in to stop me, not only due to worry of embarrassing the other party that was involved but the wrongness of sharing a story that isn't truly mine. Of course if they open up and tell the story I feel perfectly free to open my mouth and share form that point on (Betsy, can we say Orange and Icy Hot?). But until that happens, or I know the person well enough to know that they won't be upset by such a story or have resolved their feelings about a situation, I am not comfortable sharing, so I guess in the end I am not truly shameless, for even I have stories and events from my life that I cannot share openly and I feel that is completely normal. Looking back in my head at the things that I do not freely discuss, I don't find much humor in those events and that may be the difference for me. If I find something laughable, even if it's horrifying at the same time, I can and seems, will share it for others to laugh at. However, if it is either not funny, or I simply haven't been able to even find some sort of black humor to it, I don't share it.

Which all brings me back to the ex-boyfriend I've been speaking of. I took him to see the comedian Margaret Cho once. She closed out her show with a story of crapping herself in the car while stuck on a freeway in L.A. It was hysterical as she not only tells the story but mimes the actions and as the story came to a close she stated "So as I sat there in a puddle of cooling poop, the only thing left was to tell someone so I called my friend as said 'Guuurrrrrll, you won't believe what just happened'." My un-laughing ex turns to me and says, "That is so you." I always knew I lived Margaret Cho for a reason.

SO, I'm going to leave you all with that, and a Thank You to all who helped with the "surprise B-Day" event last night at knit night. I'm truly blessed with you all as friends. Oh, and here's a picture of Shiela making faces at you.

She can be such a snarky but lovable bitch. Have a great day everyone, and stay safe and warm.

A Birthday Present

For me that is... And who is this present from and what is it? Mother Nature herself and it's a doozy of a snow storm that I am enjoying immensely. Now I get that it's not really my birthday, just kind of close to it and the storm wasn't just for me, though I like to thing so. I seem to missing colder weather more and more these days, but we won't get into all that. I've whined about the lack of winter here too many times to count. So today, now that I am in for the night as I got an unexpected night off and am through driving in the mess that the storm has made of town, I'm just going to enjoy it with a good cup of tea and my kids. Oh, and some spinning.

My biggest hope for this snow storm though is that it melts and gets most of it into the ground for our spring before the wind comes up and either blows it to Nebraska or evaporates it and drops it somewhere between Tennessee and the east coast. They've had enough moisture, I hope we get to keep some of it.

As for knitting, I'm working on a surprise of sorts. It's for someone specifically that I can't be sure won't come here to this blog, so I am keeping it under wraps. Kind of. I do have some crappy iPhone pictures that I'm going to share that I thought kind of hide the fact of what the object is.

And the last picture is actually the first. I took it when I first cast this project on. It's a stitch marker a friend made me that I think is just great. It makes me think of Dia de Muertos which is my favorite holiday of sorts. Maybe I'm just the morbid sort. It's quite possible.

Yes, it's a skull with angel wings. I'm not a dangly stitch marker sort, but I like it, I like it a lot.

So, this little project I cast on, broke my rule of 3 items on the needles. I'm having an issue with all my knitting projects boring the absolute crap out of me so I cast this little project on in hopes that it would give me a break form the other items long enough to gain some interest in them again. I don't think it's working people. In fact I'm pretty sure it's talking me into casting something else on after it all together.

Dear Purr Angel

I am sorry that I have upset you throughout the day. I apologize for shutting the doors so you could not run off and taking that hated brush to you to get the last (for the next 4 minutes anyway) mats out of your coat. I'm sorry that you detest the harness and leash that I chose to put you on for that trip to vet instead of placing you in a crate that you have so obviously stated your feelings of contempt for with bowel evacuation and smearing of such things across the insides of said crate. I feel very poorly that you had to be subjected to the horrors of a car trip and then to be poked, prodded, jabbed with needles and have strangers touch you. Deep down I worry about the stress this causes you.

Because all of these feelings are true, I do not appreciate it when I come in from the nightly dog walk and you are getting your petting from The Guy, that you flatten your ears, glare at me and whip your tail. This annual stress I put you through is to assure that you are in fact in good health. I should get a little bit of appreciation for this, and for letting you off the harness and free to come and go as you please as soon as getting home and in the front yard, not even waiting to get inside. Besides, The Guy that you so lovingly adore did drive the actual vehicle and wanted to shove your butt in the crate. If this behavior of open detestment continues, I will let him take you alone to the vet with out your four canine bodyguards to assure that you are unharmed in any way in whatever means of conveyance he chooses since he is obviously your favorite.

Okay, I will not do that. It was an empty threat and let us not have lies between us, but know that it hurts my feelings when you do such things for I have only your health and wellbeing in mind when I place you on that harness and take you to the doctor. I want there to be peace and harmony in the house again and would ask that you remember this when you glare balefully at me from His lap. More importantly, remember that today is bath day for you...

Unsociable Dog Park Walker

I'm not labeling others, I'm labeling myself here. We ran the kids down to our local dog park this evening after dinner thinking that we would miss the "afternoon crowd" since it was evening and a thundershower was moving on in. Our timing was not so fortunate but it seems my general air of trying to stay away from certain people seems to be paying off.

By this, I mean that several people who tend to annoy me seem to have kept their distance. Mind you, I don't hold my peace regarding these people any better than I do other things. I've shared my views of them and their dogs in ways that if not able to be absorbed by them there and then, in ways that have gotten through to them.

You see, I have very unpopular views it seems regarding dog parks. Maybe it's easier for me to describe what dog parks are not in my world view.

1. They are not places to take your insane dog to run lawless and amok.
2. They are not places to do training, they are places to reinforce your training.
3. They are not places to socialize aggressive or fearful dogs.
4. They are not someplace for you to come let your dog run and crap while you sit in your car smoking, eating, or talking on the phone.
5. They are not a replacement for your backyard where you don't clean up after them.

In the long and short of it I feel a dog park is a place you can bring your trained, socialized dog to be off leash in a controlled manner to socialize with other dogs and be monitored by other like minded dog owners. Is this a reality? Ha ha ha No. My thoughts are not the general thoughts of other dog park users. For what appears to be their thoughts regarding appropriate dog park usage please review my above listed points for what I believe them not to be.

I have put a lot of work into my dogs. So much so that as we walked the back area tonight and my pack of four scared up a rabbit I was able to call them off and have them disregard the poor panicked thing that no matter what way it tried to run ran into another dog. And yes, I am proud of the time and work I've put into these dogs. I'm proud that I can trust them off leash to interact with other people, dogs and wildlife in positive ways that keep us all out of harm. And as unrealistic as this is, I do think if you are going to take your dogs to a leash-less, unfenced area not far from two busy roads and a fairly major intersection, you should put the same work into your dogs. Not just for other peoples sakes, but for your dogs and it's safety's sake.

I know, I know, this is crazy talk. Actually, bat shite crazy. And because I realize this, I tend to walk my dogs away from others. There are the few that I will walk with because even as we chat, like me they are watching the dogs for any aggression, fixation, limping or any other difference they feel needs to be noticed and addressed, but by and large I tend to walk away from everyone else. I keep my dogs in line, often still in a heel and monitor their behavior. I don't allow them to chase other dogs unless they are actually playing. I don't let them just run up to other people and dogs assuming that they are dog friendly (you would be amazed how many un-dogfriendly people and dogs are at a dog park), and I demand the good behavior I expect from them at all times despite the chasing, swimming, running and goofing off I allow them to do.

In the end, I guess I feel a dog park is just like a play ground. If allowed, there will be bully's, hell I have a pack of 3-5 dogs anytime I go down there and know they will "pack up" and bully if I allow it. There will also be the fearful dogs that run that cause other dogs to chase, there may be the fearful dogs that bite that cause fights, there will always be those that think carrying around large amounts of dog treats is a great idea and do not notice the tension they often put into a group of "stranger" dogs with no set pecking order. And there will always, always be the people that think bad behavior is cute and that a dog park is a place for them to do such bad behavior or simply can't see their own dogs poor behavior because they are their furred children.

So for now, I will continue walking my kids off on our own, and when possible, not at the dog park at all. Let us hope I do not feel the need to tell any other walkers that they're "F'n Morons". Hey, it only happened once and I do regret it, more so I regret not being able to end my tirade when they did send me over the edge, because he really was an F'n Moron and I have luckily not had to interact with that person again, but there were lessons to be learned on both sides of that issue and I hope that I learned mine. If you see us out, feel free to wave and come on over, just be prepared, we aren't running wild, we're still walking cool, controlled and under command whether we're leashed or not.