Someone who reads my blog but I only know in a semi-professional manner made a comment that she has heard from others that I have a great sense of humor and was always amused by my blog entries but she felt there was a disconnect from the person she knew and the "online personality". Within mere days I had an email conversation with one of the other members of the men’s knitting retreat I had gone to that followed a similar vein. And now today, I had someone from the dog park this afternoon say the very same thing. For some reason this sense of "Different Roles" theme seemed to be bothering me and I decided to try to lay it out.
See, when I'm relaxed and/or just not concerned with someone elses thoughts regarding me, I can be nasty, crude, hilarious, and blue as a toilet mint. But in a professional situation, or more importantly in an open forum, I tend to keep quiet and listen more than I speak. As I laid it out to Jack...
"I feel there are three general groups of people when it comes to public forums.
1. The quiet listeners/thinkers. I call them the mullers
Those that tend to take it all in and actually say little, but often these are the ones that truly command attention when they speak (I hope that I normally fall in this group)
2. The conversationalists/debaters
They love to be in the mix of it all. They enjoy the exchange of ideas and airing of opinions. Often when a conversation gets heated, they're the amazing set who seem to be able to walk away with no hurt feelings and feel "refreshed" afterwards and need to go home to hash out the event and their thoughts with whoever is nearby
3. The ranters/ragers/blowhards/it's all about me folks.
They tend to always try to steer the conversation back to their own agenda's and often think if they're louder they're more right. I come from a family of these, and I strive to not fall into the easy trap of not doing so. If I find I'm getting my back up regarding a topic I want to lean this way. This is why I think I feel the need to blog. It's my forum to vent a little and maybe by doing it there, it gives me more patience to shut up and listen when if other situations."
When I am surrounded by people I don't know in a situation that is more formal than just being out in public. I tend to retract into myself a bit more. Mainly it's due to the fact that I learn more about a person when I shut my own mouth and listen to what is coming out of theirs. Even more importantly for someone who tends to be a little mistrustful of groups, I get a sense of the group by listening to it. By being quiet and listening to what people do or say to fill that silence can teach you a lot about that person.
Anyway; my point being, if you ever meet me somewhere and feel as though I am more subdued that you imagined I would be... get over it. Don’t think you get the full Q Experience in the first encounter. Kidding. Just be patient. You stick around me long enough I'll say something to horrify your sensibilities, or utterly disgust you with a medical story regarding a groin wound while you try to eat your tuna steak, or just give you a gut wrenching visual for no apparent reason than I just wanted to see you dry heave. Remember, I do it out of love.
It's funny, I've had this conversation in a relationship before... Is that bad?