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Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Farewell Haylie

I wish I had better news today to pass on, instead I only have the sad news that this afternoon Haylie had what I hope was the end to a good day. We started our day with a river romp and walk with friends before we continued lazing in the front lawn while the Guy and I painted the house. Leaving the Guy and his brushes she and the boys drove up the  mountain to some slightly cooler air for a long walk in the woods followed by a cheese burger lunch. I'm sorry there are no pictures of the beauty, I couldn't bare to take them on such a day.

You know the rest. I took her to the vet and stayed with her, even assisted the vet tech's with the medication and catheter placement; in the hopes that familiar hands, voice, and presence would keep this last transition as calm and peaceful as possible. In the end it was fairly quick, and indeed quiet. I only hope that from this life she can take a little happiness from this last month with us in our house surrounded by people who care and other dogs that welcomed her presence into their pack and a friendly enough cat. If the Buddhists are right and I kind of hope they are; she can learn the next time round that fear is not worth the effort.

I'm left feeling drained, sad, and still bridled with a deep anger. Anger towards her first owners for causing the original fear. Anger towards her second owners with letting her get back into a fear cycle and then letting her reinforce it with biting. Anger that I couldn't fix her and that I am unable to take on a permanent fifth canine. Anger at the system that placed her here. And some anger that I was unable to tamp down these feeling and fill myself with the quiet she needed. I fear that in the end as she lay in my lap waiting for the sedatives to roll her under and she licked my chin that she was trying to comfort my feelings at this situation and not that I was comforting her as intended.

So here sweet girl, I lay down what I can, and wish you well on the next step of your journey for this one was too short by far. I don't have much faith and admit that I have no idea what's on the other side, but I know it's something, and I hope it treats you better than this side did.

Ear Scratches to you Girlie
Q and the whole pack.


  1. Oh Q I am so sorry. You did an awesome job with her and I'm glad I got to meet Haylie. Keep up the great work you do with these dogs that have not had the best start! There is a special place for you in the canine great beyond. (And thanks for making me cry at work.)
    All my love and hugs to you, the guy and the pup pups (and the cat)!

  2. Oh, Q. I am so sorry that it was such a rough time for you. I didn't pick that up when we spoke last night. For what it's worth, my take on her last lick was that she was returning affection for you since you were showing loving kindness to her. I feel saddened that she didn't get the chance to show the rest of the world how far she'd come in relearning to be the sweet dog she really was. Blessings. - Joe

  3. Thanks for the support guys, I appreciate it. I keep finding myself changing the topic in public because thinking about her makes me tear up. Even today while walking on the mountain made me a bit melancholy since that was the last walk I took her on.