I wish I had better news today to pass on, instead I only have the sad news that this afternoon Haylie had what I hope was the end to a good day. We started our day with a river romp and walk with friends before we continued lazing in the front lawn while the Guy and I painted the house. Leaving the Guy and his brushes she and the boys drove up the mountain to some slightly cooler air for a long walk in the woods followed by a cheese burger lunch. I'm sorry there are no pictures of the beauty, I couldn't bare to take them on such a day.
You know the rest. I took her to the vet and stayed with her, even assisted the vet tech's with the medication and catheter placement; in the hopes that familiar hands, voice, and presence would keep this last transition as calm and peaceful as possible. In the end it was fairly quick, and indeed quiet. I only hope that from this life she can take a little happiness from this last month with us in our house surrounded by people who care and other dogs that welcomed her presence into their pack and a friendly enough cat. If the Buddhists are right and I kind of hope they are; she can learn the next time round that fear is not worth the effort.
I'm left feeling drained, sad, and still bridled with a deep anger. Anger towards her first owners for causing the original fear. Anger towards her second owners with letting her get back into a fear cycle and then letting her reinforce it with biting. Anger that I couldn't fix her and that I am unable to take on a permanent fifth canine. Anger at the system that placed her here. And some anger that I was unable to tamp down these feeling and fill myself with the quiet she needed. I fear that in the end as she lay in my lap waiting for the sedatives to roll her under and she licked my chin that she was trying to comfort my feelings at this situation and not that I was comforting her as intended.
So here sweet girl, I lay down what I can, and wish you well on the next step of your journey for this one was too short by far. I don't have much faith and admit that I have no idea what's on the other side, but I know it's something, and I hope it treats you better than this side did.
Ear Scratches to you Girlie
Q and the whole pack.