I just got the news today that the dog we have been working with over the last month is not going to be able to be placed in a home due to her history and continued fear issues. In layman's terms this means she will be euthanized.
I don't think I can sum up in words how I feel about this. I am angry that this dog is in this position due to not only her original owners, but also her adoptive owners that let her escalate back to this state of fear. I am sad. I am sad for her, and for other dogs that I have not been able to offer assistance that end up in similar situations. I feel responsible some how, as though I could have done something different. And more than anything I feel a guilt for feeling a bit relieved for having an answer for this dogs future.
I understand where the rescue that she belongs is coming from. I do. They as an organization have a responsibility to not only the animals in their care, but to the community at large they place animals into as well as the homes and families. Due to these sometimes disparate responsibilities, unfortunate and hard decisions must be come to. With all that said, it still sucks.
I have worked around and with animals most of my adult life in one way or another as well as a chunk of my adolescents. This, is the absolute worst part of doing so. I love animals, I love seeing them flourish and succeed at tasks given them and would not trade the time I have had with them or may for anything, but this is the part of doing so that sucks. When you either have to make a choice due to an animals health, welfare, or behavior is never an easy task.
For those of you who read this, Thank You. This is one of those entries that is more just a diary entry for me. I needed to get some words out there before going back to work. I needed to feel it, and move on with the rest of the feelings that are still yet to come. So, I have the appointment made, the time set aside so I can be there with her and now it's time to get cleaned up and keep on keeping on. I promise there will be a lighter posting in the next couple days.